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Guide to Anal Sex for Couples

Guide to Anal Sex For Couples

anal sex for couples

Anal sex is not just for gay men.In fact, it has become widely popular in the last 10 years among heterosexual couples who are looking for different ways to add pleasure to their sexual relationship.

If you want to try anal play for the first time, we recommend you go solo and check out our Guide to Anal Pleasure for Beginners .

Why Try Anal Play


There are a variety of reasons why a couple may want to try anal play together.

It feels good!When done right, anal sex can feel amazing, and because the anus has numerous nerve endings which are highly sensitive, anal pleasure can lead to intense orgasms.For women, anal sex, especially doggie style, can hit the g-spot, which can give you hot, squirting orgasms.And, for guys, it is the ultimate due to the prostate being one of men’s most explosive erogenous zones that can create powerful multiple orgasms for men.And, let’s not forget that the anus is very tight, so feels pretty amazing wrapped around your cock.

Because its naughty!Yes, back door play has long been taboo, so engaging in anal sex may make you feel naughty or dangerous.It is a great way to express your bad girl (or boy) side.

Super Sexy!Oh ya, guys who are into big booties LOVE anal play because they get to enjoy watching a sexy butt get slammed and rammed and bounce up and down.Even better than twerking!

Deeply intimate.To explore anal sex with your partner, you must get very intimate, and have a lot of trust.Intimacy builds trust and trust builds intimacy, so you can create a deeper connection to your lover.

Something new.Anal play may be something new you like to try, like a new erotic adventure.There are lots of ways we can explore sexual pleasure, so anal play is just another tool in your sensual play kit.

Dominance and Submission.Anal sex is very much about one person being in control and the other surrendering that control, so is a great way to explore power exchange and dominance and submissive play.Between heterosexual partners, it can also be about role reversal (pegging) in which the man submits to his female partner to become the penetrated, another way of giving up control which can be very sexy, liberating and empowering.

Plus, did I mention is feels good?

Safety First


So, there are many reasons to want to try anal pleasure, but first there a few “rules” you should know, especially with partner play.

Don’t try anal play if you really don’t want to or feel forced into it by your partner.You have to want it or it won’t be enjoyable for you.

At the same time, don’t pressure your partner to try it if they are not into it and respect their boundaries.That goes for trying to sneak it is without consulting your partner first as well.

Do have a conversation about anal play before you embark on that journey together.Talk about your concerns, fears, why it turns you on, or why you may want to try it.Make sure you are both on the same page first.

Don’t put anything up your ass that isn’t supposed to go in there.Stay with fingers, cocks and anal toys made especially for anal play.

Lube it up!Yes, the anus is not self-lubricating so requires plenty of anal lubricant to help make it more slippery and aid in expansion.Don’t use lubes or creams that numb, because that’s dumb!You need to feel what is going on in order to enjoy it, and make sure you don’t get injured.

There are even products now out called anal shooters, that allow you to get the lube in just the right spot, without all the mess!

Go slow and don’t force it.The anus will expand with loving care and patience.

Don’t go straight from anal penetration to vaginal penetration, because again, that’s dumb.Butt, seriously folks (pun intended, sorry I couldn’t resist!), the anus has lots of nasty bacteria that you don’t want to introduce into the delicate flora of the vagina. Infection anyone?Not nice.

To continue that reasoning, make sure to clean and sanitize your anal toys before and after use.Choose toys that are non-porous like silicone, glass, or metal, so you can keep them sterile, don’t share anal toys, and use a condom if you are going to share, or if the material is porous.Porous materials have tiny holes where bacteria can hide and can’t be sanitized 100%. Following these guidelines will lessen the risk of bacteria infections, STDs and HIV infections.

Use a condom when having anal sex, unless you are partnered and fluid bonded to avoid transmitting disease.

Relax, just do it!You need to be relaxed during anal play.It you are all tensed up with a tight-ass sphincter, you are going to experience pain.So, loosen up a bit (wow these puns!), and remember to breath and relax.

To douche or not to douche, that is the question.There are two different camps about douching.One camp says douching is not good for you as it can dry out or disrupt the thin lining in the anus, making it more prone to tearing, and to getting HIV or other infections.Then there is the other camp that says, it feels great and there is no harm in doing it if you avoid soaps or harsh chemicals (that means only douche with warm water) and don’t over do it (which means only do it occasionally, not every day). However, the body has its own way of eliminating waste, so if you have a bowel movement beforehand and wash well, you shouldn’t need to douche.

Stop if there is pain or if you experience displeasure.This should be common sense, but some people just go beyond their limits in order to make their partner happy, or to try to prove something.Look, you don’t have anything to prove, and going to the point where you feel pain is again, just dumb-ass!Remember that the anus lining is very thin and prone to tearing.Also, putting things that are WAY TO BIG up your anus is not a good idea.I know people who have done this, having worked in sex toy shops for a while.You don’t want to experience prolapse or have to wear a diaper for the rest of your life.So play safe!

Okay, sorry about all the rules, but we just want to make sure you are well educated before you embark on your anal adventures.Yes, anal play can be amazing, and safe, if done with caution and awareness.

So, let’s get to the fun part!

Warming Up

As with any type of sex the more relaxed you are the better.This is especially true with anal sex, because the anal sphincter is super tight and doesn’t expand as easily as the vagina (you don’t birth little humans out of your butthole, but I digress).So, the more relaxed you are, the easier it will be to open up to pleasure, for comfortable penetration and expansion.

There are lots of ways to relax before having anal sex.Taking a bath is a great idea, or having a glass of wine (don’t overdo it ‘cause drunk anal sex is not exactly safe), meditate, do deep breathing techniques, or whatever works for you.

Foreplay.Make sure to engage in plenty of foreplay and seduction before you try penetration.The more turned on you are before penetration, the more you will loosen up and the better everything will feel.If you try penetration before you are sexually stimulated, it could cause pain or discomfort.

Rosebud Massage

This is a sensual massage technique developed by Joseph Kramer and Chester Mainard, in their video Anal Massage for Lovers.It is a series of steps that awaken the anal opening and help to relax the muscles, plus feels sensual and erotic.This technique stimulates the nerve endings and stretches the internal sphincter in a very arousing way. I highly recommend getting the DVD if you can.

Basically, rosebud massage involves massaging the butt cheeks, then slowly moving to the anus and just using your thumb to massage around the anal opening or “rosebud”.You can use the side of your hand to slide up and down the butt crack, and finally begin to just place a finger or thumb against the backdoor and wait for it to open and let you in.Anal massage should be slow, sensual and pleasurable, so don’t rush it.

Diving Right In?

Okay, pardon the expression, because you really don’t want to dive right in no matter how enthusiastic you are.

The anal canal is also curved differently than the vagina. So, it is a good idea for you to feel your way inside there with a finger first, to figure out the angle you want to use for penetration.

The trick is to relax into anal insertion slowly, and allow the anus to open naturally (which it will once properly stimulated) then to inch your finger, toy or penis in bit by bit.This is not a Ram, Bam, thank you M’am type of sex play.

Also, remember, that even though the person on top is penetrating the other partner, it is actually the bottom, or partner getting penetrated that should be in control and decide the pace, depth and rhythm.Therefore, it is better for the backseat driver to ease back onto the penis, rather than the penis thrusting into the anus, at least when starting off.

After you’ve both got the rhythm and depth going, then the top can take bit more control.But be aware of your partner’s body language (if they tense up, not good), and keep communication going throughout.

Anal Sex for Hetero Men and Pegging

Anal sex is not just a one-way street.Straight guys can and do enjoy anal sex as well with their female lovers.This could include playing with anal toys together, fingers, or strap-on sex where the woman penetrates the man (pegging).

The prostate is one of men’s most erogenous zones, so who says that straight guys can’t enjoy that type of pleasure too?They just need to get over the idea that getting pegged by their girlfriend makes them gay, a sissy, or even submissive.Sometimes it is only about exploring a new part of your body and the pleasure you can enjoy from it.So, don’t let outdated social taboos hold you back from what can be one of the most enjoyable and mind-blowing types of sex for men.Incidentally, men can learn the art of with-holding ejaculation for phenomenal multiple orgasms from practicing with prostate play.

The subject of pegging and prostate play is a whole other topic, so check out our guide Bend Over Boyfriend and the Art of Pegging to learn more.

Anal Toys for Couples


Just about any anal toy that can be used solo, can also be used in couple play.Check out our Guide to Anal Pleasure for Beginners to learn about the various types of anal toys and how to use them.

The cool thing about butt play between couples, is that you can use a toy to stimulate your partner’s butt while you arouse their other erogenous zones to intensify overall sensation and orgasms.

Insert a butt plug or anal beads and leave them in during oral, finger play, hand jobs or sex, to create a more expansive pleasure for your partner.

Try a vibrating anal toy with a remote and use it across the room while at a party, when dining out, or just getting the groceries.Makes everyday chores much more fun!

How about unique anal play toys? In a Dom/me and sub relationship, you can try anal training to expand boundaries. And, don’t forget pet play, where you can explore a variety of novelty butt toys with anal tails including piggies, puppies, kitties, horsies, foxy foxes, and more.For male submissives, there are lots of cock and ball devices that are attached to anal toys as well as well as toys that expand once inside of you.

If your partner is into butt play, you can tease them with some butt bling: your sexy butt wrapped around Rosebud Anal Jewelry which is a steel butt plug with a gem-stone like crystal at the base.

Best Positions for Anal Sex


There are lots of sex positions good for anal sex.But, there are ones that are better when starting out.

Cowgirl is a great position for beginners because it lets her get on top and control the penetration.

Doggie Style is the best-known position for anal sex because of comfort and ease of access.Just make sure that she eases back on him, rather than him thrusting into her to begin with.

Reverse Cowgirl on a chair is another great position for anal.He sits on a chair and she sits on his lap facing away from him as she eases herself on his penis.

Advanced missionary with her legs lifted, feet resting on his shoulders is a very intimate position for anal sex, but she needs to be flexible.

Spooning is a nice relaxing way to have anal sex and allows for hands free stimulation of the breasts and clitoris.

Once again, we hope this article has opened your mind (and body) to the possibility of Anal Play for Couples.Make sure to check out these resources as well: Guide to Anal Pleasure for Beginners, Bend Over Boyfriend and the Art of Pegging and Guide to Strap-ons.

Until next time, play safe and stay sexually healthy and active!

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