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Have things gotten a little routine in the bedroom lately?

While there’s nothing wrong with standard missionary, finding your bolder side in the bedroom can be very rewarding - not only for your pleasure, but for your overall relationship health too.

 

In the short term, you benefit from more and better orgasms, but the benefits of kink extend beyond the bedroom.

 

Three Surprising Benefits of Getting Kinky

Ever thought about using a blindfold or tying your lover to the headboard?

 

Research suggests that incorporating these types of experiences into your sex life could benefit your relationship in ways you might not expect.

 

#1 Get closer by getting kinky

 

According to data from a study by the Archives of Sexual Behavior 1, couples who engaged in BDSM (Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism), sensory deprivation, and a variety of painful and pleasurable stimulation showed an increase in relationship closeness.

The study suggests that, “when performed consensually [BDSM], has the potential to increase intimacy between participants.”

 

#2 Better mental health through kink

Couples who engage in kink see even more benefits than an increase in intimacy. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine 2 suggests couples who incorporate kink have better mental health.

 

Results of the study indicate that BDSM participants are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, feel more secure in their relationships, and are less rejection-sensitive than their “vanilla” counterparts.

 

#3 A more trusting & playful lifestyle.

According to research in the Journal of Sexual Medicine 2 couples who experiment with kink report better communication, higher levels of trust, and say that it adds a sense of playfulness to their daily lives.

 

So, take a chance and see what you and your partner can discover together.

 

How to Get a Little Kinky

Ready to give it a try, but don’t know where to start?

 

Here are a few suggestions on how you can explore your kinky side with your lover:

Play games together

One simple way to bring up the conversation is to start a sexy game of “never have I ever” where each partner shares things they have not done in the bedroom but would like to try.

 

You might say something like, “Never have I ever worn a penis extender, or a strap-on, but…” and see where the conversation leads.

 

This is a titillating, yet low-pressure way to share your fantasies and possibly be surprised by your partner's.

 

Get inspired together

Need a little bit of inspiration to get you started?

 

Pull up your favorite porn sites together - if you haven’t already tried watching porn together, it’s definitely something that should be on your sexual bucket list.  

 

Not into porn? Try erotic stories aka erotica as another way to share fantasy inspirations together.  

 

Sharing and showing what you like is an easy way to start the conversation.

 

Still nervous? Need a little more help? Here is a more in-depth article about how to introduce kinky sex into your relationship that will lead you through communication, research, crafting a scene, and aftercare to ensure that you have the confidence to explore your fantasies.  

Play with toys together

A 2016 study by Chapman University’s David Frederick, Ph.D.3 reported that partners with the highest sexual satisfaction were more likely to report having used sex toys together.

 

These couples were also more likely to receive oral sex and reported having more consistent orgasms. Who would turn that down?

 

Sex toys aren’t only for solo pleasure - just like porn, things can heat up when you include sex toys with your partner.

 

Try browsing for sex toys together in the comfort of your own home as a great way to get things going in the right direction.

 

Start with a fairly familiar category like Vibrators or vibrating cock rings  and from there you can branch out.

 

Chances are you and your partner have seen or thought about toys like sex swings,  butt plugs, or even Light BDSM gear such as  handcuffs and floggers before.

 

To build anticipation ask your partner to choose their favorite toy and give a detailed description of how they would like to use it.

 

A report in the Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Health Care 4, found that bringing sex toys into a conversation can reduce shame, guilt, or embarrassment that surrounds both the toys and the act of using them. According to a study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine 5, about half of women use vibrators and opinions about sex toy taboos are changing.

 

Whatever "naughty" foray into kink you and your partner agree upon, there are a vast variety of toys and gear to help move your fantasies from your head to your bed... and beyond.

 

When you shop with your lover use code "abitkinky" to save 10% on your purchase.  

 

Discover new pleasures

Spicing things up doesn’t mean only engaging in BDSM play; it can also mean a wide variety of things.

 

You might try using a remote control vibrator while you're out on a date, to build anticipation with the extra thrill that being naughty in public can bring.

 

Even if you prefer to keep things in the privacy of your own bedroom, trying sex furniture to reach new positions and increase endurance is a great way to safely and comfortably get a little kinky.  

 

Explore the capabilities of your own body! Women might experiment with G-spot stimulation, potentially leading to vaginal orgasms and squirting. Meanwhile men can enjoy the no-longer-taboo prostate stimulation, (yes even straight guys).

 

There are no hard rules about what is and isn't kinky... so explore and enjoy the process as you figure out what it means within your relationship.

Kink Etiquette

Overall, the most important thing to remember is to be respectful of your partners desires - even if you don’t want to act them out.  With that in mind here are three key points to help get you started.

 

Create a Safe Space

By agreeing to listen without hostility or judgement, you and your partner can create a safe space for sharing even the most taboo of thoughts. Did your partner just reveal their fantasy about having sex underwater but you can’t swim?

 

Instead of giving them an outright no or disapproving of their desires, take the time to ask them why they like that particular kink and what they find sexy about it. No matter how you feel about their desire

 

Whether it's being blindfolded, restrained in bondage gear, or even being pummeled by a strap-on, it’s often difficult for people to express their more taboo sexual desires. Being a good listener and non-judgemental about their wildest fantasies is part of being a good partner.

 

Just because you discuss something doesn’t mean you have to do it.  According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 6 sometimes describing a sexy situation can be its own reward.

Explore Boundaries

 

Everyone has a few hard No’s - things they do not feel comfortable doing - and that’s perfectly fine.

 

However between those absolute No’s and the routine of your ordinary sex life, there are a whole range of boundaries for you to explore.  

 

Being kinky doesn’t mean doing things you don’t want to do - it means exploring your boundaries together, in a mutually pleasurable and controlled manner.

Build shared fantasies

People in BDSM relationships report all these amazing benefits because the scenes or role-play they engage in are consensual, according to a report by the Archives of Sexual Behavior 7. This is the reason you agree on a safe word before getting started - think of it as your emergency exit in case things get too intense.

 

This could mean agreeing on and describing the scene before it happens, which can be its own form of foreplay, and being able to discuss any concerns as they arise and after the scene is over.

 

You don’t need to analyze every move, unless that’s what you’re into, but a simple, “I like when…” or, “this didn’t work for me,” is enough to keep the conversation going and to keep play fun for everyone involved.

 

So, instead of shutting down their fantasy about handcuffing you to the kitchen table, you can have a conversation about it. Together, you can find a mutually agreeable way to act out a fantasy about control or dominance or whatever it may be. Being open to your partner’s suggestions and willing to talk about the what, why, and how is a must before hitting the sheets.

 

Give it a try

Although it may be intimidating at first, getting a little kinky has many benefits. If you’re thinking about trying something new, you’re not alone.

 

According to a survey by Durex 8, more than one-third of adults in the United States use masks, blindfolds, and bondage gear during sex. With the growing acceptance of the BDSM lifestyle, it seems reasonable that this percentage has increased since the initial 2005 survey.

 

Start a conversation tonight and see what you learn about your partner and yourself. Remember that kinky couples are happier, less anxious, and get off more than their friends who stick to missionary or vanilla sex.

 

Get a little kinky & browse light BDSM gear now!

 

Footnotes

 

1 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18563549

 

2 https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12192

 

3 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854

 

4 https://srh.bmj.com/content/33/2/129

 

5 https://www.jsm.jsexmed.org/article/S1743-6095(15)32585-6/abstract

 

6 http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407512454523

 

7 http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/2374623816668275

 

8 http://www.data360.org/pdf/20070416064139.Global%20Sex%20Survey.pdf

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